Missing

I was 10 when I had my first pet. It was a guppy, skinny body with a very pretty purple tail. I bought it at the pet shop on my way back from school with Farouk at that time. I still remember the uncle gave me that guppy in an inflated plastic back with some of it's food

When I reached home, I forgot a thing that is the most important; place for my pet. I changed my cloth, bring my guppy and rode my bicycle to Farouk's. Uncle Hashim was doing some gardening that time when he saw me with the fish. He is a fish lover, so he owns some of gigantic aquariums at his home.

I told him about my problem. He just laughed and told me to wait. Later, he went out with a small plastic aquarium that just nice for my fish to call it a home. I thanked him and went home without even seeing Farouk. I put my fish in that container along with the water. The uncle said that I shouldn't use tap water because of the chlorine. Voila! he seems happy with his new home

After a week or two, our school holiday season started. We as always would spend time at my grandpa's in Melaka. Unfortunately there's no way I could bring an aquarium in the car. So I just leave it at usual place, on the table.

After returning  from Melaka, my aquarium wasn't there anymore. It was on the floor, along with my guppy. I  just staring at it and suddenly my mom said it was bitten, by a cat. I didn't feel sad but more to angry. I hate  them because of their fur which is always give me uncomfortable feeling in my nose, and at that time I have another reason to hate them more. Since that day, every time I saw cats, I just feel hatred. I'll pick pebbles and throwing at them. I hate them  not because of it was one of their species killed my guppy but looking at them remind me of that moment of losing something I precious.

Sometime, the feeling of losing and missing something or someone is just complicated. It can be happy and sweet or it can be sad and sour. Your choice.

Price of Honesty

I always believe that everything start with honesty. Without that quality, we won't get the result we want no matter how hard you try. Sometime everything will be a lot easier if you put your honesty in what you do.

When I was in Malaysia last November, I met a very good guy, a student from Jordan. He is the representative for the Malaysian community who fought for Islamic's student for getting scholarship.

Let me tell you briefly about the situation in Jordan. Mostly the student came to Jordan to pursue their studies in Islamic. So they applied for placement in university and went there by themselves. So after a year or two, they start to apply for government scholarship. But none of their application was taken seriously before.

This great guy I met fought for their rights. We all know this Islamic studies isn't a priority for government to give scholarship but he stand up and speak. Later that day, we become a close friend. I asked him about Jordan, I listened about his life and his friend's, and I learned many thing.

One evening after a meeting, we went to hotel where we staying together. It was raining and we walk along the PWTC sidewalk, then up the crossing bridge. It was packed of people because it's already late and of course, rain.

There was an old woman holding his son near the stairs. Wearing old batik, sitting on a piece of newspaper, and holding plastic cup for money.  The people just walked by as if that old woman is an invisible human. I can say most of them are wearing the white smart shirt with that little logo, a logo that was created to protect and to care Malay peoples. But no one stopped by, not even look at her, until this friend of mine stopped and giving RM 10 note.

That old woman just stared at him blankly as he walked away after giving a RM 10 note which to him doesn't mean anything compared to hardness that old woman gone through. He said to me if my fate is to be a leader for our people, I need to do job with honesty and never ever hoping for a big reward for everything I do in the future.

Yes. He is right. You can meeting all day, from early in the morning till late night in that beautiful building, wearing that logo which entrusted by million people, but what is the meaning of all that if you can't even help people in need just because they can't afford fancy suits like yours?

Man of Honor

Its 6.03 in the morning. 20 minutes ago I was on my bed lying down trying to sleep as I have meeting with my advisor, Mr. Danilovski at 1. Unfortunately I can't sleep. So I get up, took my ipad and called my dad.

He picked my call with his usual panic voice as if something bad happened. Usually, if I have something important to tell, I would call my mum rather than my dad. I don't know the reason why I choose like that but for me it is not a big deal anyway. But this time is different. I called my dad.

Our conversation started just the same like always, a question for me if I am doing okay. I said I am all okay and he moved to another topic which is parent's favorite question ; exam.

We talked a little bit and I asked him about his health, work and how's the family. From our conversation, I heard glass clinking. Its 10 am over there and I know his routine having teh tarik at this time.

He always taught me how to be a man. A man should act like a real man. A real man should be gentle, a real man should respect other people so we get respect in return, never take other people belongings, and always seek for forgiveness. His very first advice when I was in boarding school for the first time is ; If you do anything wrong and your teacher reported to me, I will disappointed with you. I will forgive you somehow but not hurting other kids. That's I won't forgive you.

He taught us with full of love. I never saw him using harsh words in front of family and never lay a finger on us but correct us in a very gentle way. Sometime when we having roti canai outside, he would tell me his plans for family and from that, I know how much he care and love us.

I was in boarding school and he late for my graduation when I was in form 3 and can't attend my graduation when I was in form 5. I don't feel disappointed with him in fact I am proud because he tried. He once told me ; There are things that I can't give to you but you can always ask them. Not to me but to god. He owns everything.

Sometime its such a relief just to hear his voice over the phone and have our so ordinary talk. I am proud of you :)

Lots of love,
your son.

Green Sampin

When I was in middle school, it is compulsory to attend "Sekolah Agama" in Johor. Our session started at noon so we got some time left for about an hour to lunch before changing our attire and walked to our sekolah agamal which is not far from our sekolah kebangsaan.

I still remember, me and my friends used to sit at the canteen on recess time and we talked about almost everything from wrestling to football. Sometime we planned our activity together for the weekend which will ended up playing fooball eventually.  When the school session ended, we will wait for each other in front of the school gate and going back home together.

One day I realized that its been days my friend, Syakirin didn't attend school. The thing is, we felt something not right when one of our friend seems missing. I still remember well the day when we don't wait for him in front of the gate because he never went to school anymore.

But then, almost everyday he will wait for us at the bus stop with his usual favorite tee and his bicycle. Me and my friend will spend sometime just to sit at the bus stop, eating  snacks together and tell stories like we used to while waiting for going back home.

After sometime I asked him why he never go to school again. Our teachers seem to forgot his name already as they didn't call his name again for attendance.

Then he said to me : My dad need to stop my schooling because it cost a lot of money. Text books are so expensive, baju melayu, songkok and stuff too. It cost too much and there's no other way than just stop.

I just listen to him silently. Then I remember how me and my dad going out to buy the songkok and baju melayu. You know, at that time as a kid your baju melayu always getting smaller so fast. In fact it is you who growing up, not your baju melayu getting smaller.

Then I remember how expensive the textbooks. Later that day, I pull out all my textbooks. Sirah, Tajwid, Fiqah, every single of it. Then I flip them at the back and search for their prices. The most cheapest is about RM 9 if I'm not mistaken.

Then I understand well why he never goes to school ever again. The higher the education, means the bigger the price you have to pay. Our education system

I Quit

The result of the general election of 2013 has been announced late night yesterday. I just can say that the result isn't what I'm expecting for. I thought about the reason for quite sometime yesterday and in fact we still discussing it today (me and my friends).

We Malaysian want a better country, a place of we as multiracial society can live together, helping each other and where the word "racism" doesn't apply. I found so many comments on social networking that full with racism. The Malays blamed the Chinese for having too much "power" as they said and the Chinese accused the Malays for not being fair to them as they also are citizens of Malaysia and pay the same tax as well.

That's the usual scene we can see but on our past GE, I found something interesting. Ghost voters/pengundi hantu. This is the dirtiest thing a political party can do and I believe it was not the first time. Lets take a look

I don't know if I can be proud holding our ID anymore if they can be bought this easy

This is not your country. You even spelled the PM's name wrong

Who are you to talk about the Bumiputera policy?

And now, racist sentiment? 

This Pakistanian publicly say MY country is HIS country, selling our own ID freely on social networking, bad talk to our Chinese and Indian friends. Just now I saw a footage of a middle aged woman in Baling, Kedah tried to claim her "money" after voting for Barisan Nasional. It was.. terrible and once again, I can say it was not the first time.

As a youth, as a Malaysian I felt so disappointed of this kind of political scene. You can win the parliament seats, you can win with money but you can't win the "trust" from your citizen if

I am the one entrusted to be the chairman of UMNO of Saint Petersburg, Russia for 2 years and given responsibilities to be the political inspector for the general election last week. With all due respect, I resign from any political/organization associated with UMNO and Barisan Nasional.